‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ is playing on the radio as I’m driving in the car with my kids. I think about the irony as I remember being in the car with my mother aged 9 or 10 when the original song by Salt N’ Pepa played on the radio and I wondered if ‘sex’ actually means anything to my children or is it just another word that they haven’t comprehended yet. My eldest is at the age where we are going to have talk about this sooner rather than later (if for no other reason than to save him the embarrassment of being the only one of his age group who doesn’t know).
all the good things, and the bad things that may be
How do I know he is ready for this chat? School has undoubtedly been an influencer in that they are beginning to approach this topic in personal and social development lessons. Friends are also an obvious influence as they have varying degrees of knowledge – especially those with older siblings, and their opinions often clash. Nothing about this is new and eventually they will all know how sexual intercourse is performed but this doesn’t teach them about sex and relationships. There is a brilliant line in the film ‘The Gift’ starring Cate Blanchett where one of her sons asks her “Mom, what does ‘fuck’ mean?” and I love her response and have remembered it ever since: She replies, “It’s a bad word that means something nice”
I’m a firm believer that parents are responsible for their children’s educations. We have support and should work with schools and teachers but ultimately it is up to us how we choose to raise our children and we are the most dominant educators in their lives. They will learn from our examples, they will mimic our behaviours and if we communicate openly with them, they will hopefully respect us and I believe that they will grow up feeling secure in their own skins and make good choices in their lives. Importantly, we as parents will have a great relationship with our children and they will hopefully feel that they can talk to us about anything. We would have done our jobs.
When my first child was born, I made a silent promise to always tell my children the truth. (Father Christmas aside; that is a topic for another day!) Over the years, I have mastered this and have found age appropriate ways to be honest without over complicating or terrifying the crap out of them! It helps that I have a very inquisitive and argumentative child to play this brain game with. For example, when at age 5 he confidently told me that he knew how I got pregnant, I held my breath slightly whilst I waited for his explanation; “Daddy gave you his seed”. I then hesitantly replied “Um, yes. Yes he did” Technically this is the truth and for a 5 year old, that will do!
The struggle I’m having is when is a good time to talk about this? Do I bring it up and make a big deal of it potentially scarring all involved or do I wait for an appropriate lead in conversation? How do I prep other family members to make this a completely normal and relaxed topic without building up the pressure on the scenario? What if (as has happened once already) during a completely unrelated conversation he throws me a perfect opportunity to enlighten him but at the worst possible moment in time?
Ultimately, it’s probably out of my control but I intend to at least keep my promise to tell the truth. Sex is natural. Sex is necessary. Sex is nice. Respect your body and take care of yourself. Be kind to others. It helps that we have a well-established “anything goes” chat ethos in our house, I don’t get embarrassed too easily and a sense of humour is vital. I also think there will be much more viewing of nature programmes on our TV – well, I am just 1 mum!